This post discusses the plot of the one scene of Cruella that we’ve seen on Twitter.
Look, this is going to be a tough one: The kind of Newswire story where our journalistic principles, and our desires as simple human beings seeking joy in the universe, may come into sharp and bitter conflict. Still, we shall do our best to keep our impulses in check, as rational beings with a dedication to the truth.
So: Emma Stone has suggested, per Variety, that Disney should turn its “villains re-sympathized” engines on Little Mermaid villain Ursula next, and also, have you seen that clip of Cruella’s mom getting absolutely bodied over a cliff by some dogs?
Fuck, this is going to be harder than we thought.
Stone was talking to Variety’s Mark Malkin, alongside the rest of the cast of the film (although not, as far as we know, Emily Beecham, who plays the dog-blasted mother in question). When asked what other iconic Disney villains should get the studio’s Maleficent-y treatment, Stone quickly tossed out the correct answer, i.e., Ursula, jumping to this conclusion with all the force and focus of a CGI Dalmatian with murder on its mind. Co-star Kirby Howell-Baptiste co-signed the pick, noting that Ursula—who was played by actor Pat Carroll in the 1989 original, and is set to be played by Melissa McCarthy in the upcoming live-action Little Mermaid movie—obviously has some tragic, misunderstood backstory in her past, like maybe she hates Dalmatians, because she watched her mom get flipped over a cliff by them like she got blasted by the Gravity Gun from Half-Life 2. (Keep it together, c’mon…)
G/O Media may get a commission
Howell-Baptiste also suggested that The Lion King’s Scar, played by Chiwetel Ejiofor in Jon Favreau’s recent remake, would also be a good pick—possibly because then you’ve got the animal-based cliff murder already baked into the plot. And, honestly, these are both pretty great choices, at least if you grant the conceit that Disney should continue to mine its iconic villains’ relatable bursts of subtext for straight-up textual treatment like this. Of course, you’d still have to find an inciting emotional incident for Scar’s later villainy, although how long could that take? Five minutes? Two? We don’t even know how his and Mustafa’s mom died! Maybe someone threw a Lion King at her.
In conclusion: Someone has already edited the scene of Cruella’s mom’s death so that The Baja Men’s “Who Let The Dogs Out” is playing in the background, and life is good.